Learning To Be A Missionary
05 August, 2014
Looking back at life thus far, I didn’t achieve the perfect fantasy I held as nonbeliever. I figured I’d be working at Bolthouse Productions, engaged to a wealthy stud, and living in a Santa Monica ocean-front. I’d belong to Equinox gym and have a tab at SoulCycle and order carry-out Nobu sushi every weeknight. I’d have VIP access at the Roosevelt rooftop parties and start my morning’s rollerblading the boardwalk with a cute puppy and win my age-division in the LA Marathon and be thin as a rail with hair down to my back-end. My life would be effortless and wonderful. I planned various dreams and aspirations to achieve, setting high worldly standards without a thought of the Lord.
But, once I came to Christ, my view of God changed. God is not a harsh, judging criticizer; Instead, He’s a loving Father and Friend. Seeing His love and mercy, I handed Him the reigns of my life, trusting He knew better than I where I belonged. I shook away lofty goals and trusted His caring provision, knowing I could trust the creator of the universe. I handed Him my life on a silver platter, allowing Him to have His way with me, finding this to be the most life-changing decision I could ever make.
The Lord has a bit of a sense of humor, choosing me of all people to be a missionary. If someone was to tell my twenty-year old non-Christian self where I’d be in two years, I would’ve laughed in their face. “Me? Go to Guatemala? With no Starbucks or internet? Not in a million years!” But, after accepting His love and trusting His guidance, He’s changed my desires and led me down roads I never thought possible. Instead of living as a business-woman after graduation, I packed up my bags, kissed family and friends goodbye, and set off for a year-long missions school in Antigua, Guatemala to eat, sleep, and live life with forty likeminded people. I traded fleshly desires of success in replacement for a servant lifestyle, meanwhile taking a dating hiatus in faith the Lord will lead me to the right match.
Although its only been three weeks, God has shattered my perception of reality in replacement for authentic wisdom. He’s given me insight on what life is truly about, gently taking my quivering hand and laying me in His lush, green pastures. Reading the Word, I often wondered why God says He’s our shepherd and we’re His sheep. Why wouldn’t He say we’re baby dolphins swimming after a whale? Or dogs looking to an owner? The reason is simple: sheep are not smart animals, known for aimlessly following each other and getting into trouble. Sheep have no means of defense against wolves and lions, making them helpless and constantly fearful.
Two years ago, I was a fearful sheep. I thought I knew what was best for me; I thought I knew exactly what I needed in life. Finding Christ, I saw how much of a scam my dreams really were. Even if I had achieved all those goals, I’m positive I still would’ve felt discontent and restless. I’d be constantly worrying; whether it be that my fiance would leave me or boss would fire me. With Christ as my shepherd, I have nothing to fear, knowing He’ll place me exactly where I belong. He tells me to cast my burdens on His shoulders and be anxious for nothing, but in everything pray and trust His Word. I may not live the high-life I once dreamt, but I know this much: I’ve never felt as much peace as I do right now, laying in a bunk bed in Central America. Through His guidance, I know there’s nowhere else I should be.
