What's Mr. Right Thinking?

08 February, 2015

Men know what they want. "Thin crust pepperoni and sausage Dominos pizza with wings and ranch," my brother texted me when I asked what he'd like for dinner. Whether it's regarding their dream car, where they'd like to live, their favorite sports team... Boys rarely hesitate. This includes, of course, the type of woman they'd like to spend the rest of their lives with.

Women, when asked what men want, are quick to answer: Thin with the right curves, long flowing hair, the right amount of sex appeal, tan skin year round, thick lashes, polished nails, nine-inch heels... the list can be endless. Striving to become "worthy," women often over-burden themselves to try to have a perfect exterior in order to fit the bill for what their "dream man" may be looking for. It's an exhausting process with no finish line.

Contrary to popular belief, there are hundreds, even thousands, of single, classy, (hot) Christian men looking for someone with more than a pretty face. Single Christian women may find themselves pessimistic about the fact that strong, manly, nice men are few and far between. But ladies, rest assured that they are out there and they are worth waiting for.

A guy friend of mine, who's name is confidential, is God-fearing, attractive, smart, and kind. He's rough yet incredibly gentle. He's currently pursuing his degree in law at Pepperdine with a bright future ahead. Trust me when I say he has his pick of women, yet he's taken a step back to allow God to choose for him. Having asked him a few questions, I was able to dig deeper and see what real men look for in a woman.

 

1. What are some attributes you desire in a future wife?

A lot of Christian men go to Proverbs 31 for some biblical direction on what attributes we should desire in a future wife (suitable helpmate). I am no different. However there is one passage that speaks even louder to me found in 1 Peter 3:

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

I literally love that passage. I desire to walk alongside a woman who has a gentle and quiet spirit- the kind of beauty that simply does not fade. I imagine that kind of beauty only becomes more radiant with time. What a blessing that is.

She HAS to love the Lord more than she loves me. I am human and there will be days where my love simply fails, where I am inconsiderate, where I let her down, where I momentarily forget who I belong to (Christ). If she loves me more than she loves God, she may be in for unnecessary disappointment. The Lord has an unfailing love, meaning it does not disappoint, it isn’t inconsiderate, it never lets us down, it always stays true. If she is rooted and grounded in that Love even on the days where I fail in my love, she will be completely whole and even be able to forgive me for my shortcomings with the Love she herself has received form the Lord Himself.

2. Do any women in your life stand out as being strong Christian role models?

My mother has always been a great role model for me. She diligently does the things that don't receive aclaim. She is a spiritual unsung hero. She has a writing ministry. She writes letters/cards to those in prison, those who are grieving, those who just need encouragement. She does this faithfully and without any hope of receiving praise for it. May I also grow in the selflessness that is grown as we come to know in greater detail our Savior’s Selflessness.

3. What should a Christian woman be praying for her future husband?

She should pray that he Loves the Lord more than her. She should pray that the Lord faithfully continues to grow in him what he needs to be a suitable helpmate for her as she prays the same for herself. She should pray that they will be presented to each other at precisely the right moment. She should pray that he leads spiritually with all humility. She should pray that he has a sensitive heart. She should pray that if children are desired he will help train them “in the way they should go”. She should pray that he never puts anything before the Lord, not even herself.

4. How do you feel Christian men differ from men in the media in regards to finding a spouse?

As a man, who spent a great deal of time sensitive to the flesh and not sensitive to the spirit, I understand the viewpoint the world uses to find a spouse. While still spiritually immature in this regard my criteria had little to do with what we find in the Bible. It was flesh driven. How beautiful is she, how curvy is she, will my friends be impressed when they see me with her. Basically the world tries to convince us that we can make love out of lust. You can not. God is love, and therefore the glimpses of true love we get to experience are forged from and through HIM. I heard something that really helps to highlight the differences between the world and a Christians viewpoint on this topic. Ask yourself: Is the work you can do for the Kingdom of God greater with this person than it would be apart. If the answer to that question is yes…. you are on the right track.

5. What, if anything, is the one thing you won't compromise on in finding a spouse?

God first. For me it is that simple.

6. What would you say to encourage single Christian women?

Your identity has nothing to do with how anyone else views you. Your identity has nothing to do with how you view yourself at times. Your identity has everything to do with who Christ is and what He has done for you. Christ calls you beloved. He gave His life to you and has been wooing you from before you born. He showed you He loved you and then waited for you. As you wait for a husband- never forget that Christ thought you were worth the wait. “While we were yet in sin, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8. Before you loved him, He loved you. He shows us what it means to wait patiently. This season of singleness is a gift- as I find myself single as well. Christ is your spiritual main squeeze and is preparing you for you suitable main squeeze. Trust that He knows what He is doing.

Trust His Love- That He unbelievably, undeniably, unrelentlessly, unceasingly, unendingly cares for you.

Trust His Ability- That He CAN do it.

Trust His Sovereignty- That He WILL do it.

Trust His Timing- That at precisely the right moment it will happen.