We're Safe & Sound ツ
10 April, 2015
Am I ever going to find a man like all my girlfriends? Am I ever going to have the perfect wardrobe? Am I ever going to move out of this town? Am I ever going to lose these extra 10 pounds? Am I ever going to feel special?
Do you ever have freak outs - realizing things aren't as picture perfect as you thought? When you see everyone else passing you by, achieving their dreams and reaching success, finding yourself left behind?
This morning I experienced one of those moments. Anxiety hit me out of nowhere - one second I was fine, the next, as stressed as the Milwaukee Brewers coach after their first game. (ouch)
I needed to do something. I needed to get out of my office and walk. I grabbed my headphones, walked one block, and turned around. A walk was not going to cut it - I needed to run. Switching into gym shoes and sweats, I ran, and ran, and ran, and ran... going about 6 miles of overlooking the Lake Michigan pier, zoning out to loud music and the views of freshly docked boats prepping for the summer season.
Afterwards, I ran to my car, grabbed my (dusty, under-used) pink boxing gloves, and boxed for a good half hour, jamming to Flo Rida's My House and doing all I could to brush off my worrying mind.
Hitting the locker room, I still wasn't feeling that great. I whipped my swim suit out of my locker, grabbed my goggles and a kickboard, and flutter-kicked for another thirty minutes, trying my best to uncover the cobwebs of my anxiety - what was I freaking out about? Why was I so stressed?
After a long hottub and shower sesh, I stepped into the empty sauna, laying my back against the hot wood and closing my eyes. "Come on, Paige... What's going on? Why am I playing the comparison game?"
Peaking out the sauna door, I saw an empty locker room. With the coast clear, I got on my knee's and did (what I thought was) a last resort: I prayed, exactly what I promised to do more of in my last post.
"God, why don't I have a good man in my life? When do I get my big break? And how come I feel so confused, watching all my friends achieve awesome things? I'm following You, how come everything isn't falling into place? Don't You even care?"
I wasn't expecting much of a response. He's not exactly the talkative type, if you haven't noticed. (lol, okay bad joke) But then, out of no where, I heard Him:
"Paige, stop with the questions, asking AM I going to find a man? AM I going to end up in a good place? AM I going to do good things for the world? Instead, focus on me, because I AM. I AM the way and the truth and the light. I AM the God of the entire world and I love you. I AM what you're looking for, can't you see that?"
AM I < I AM. Word.
It dawned on me: Who cares if I'm single my whole life? Who cares if I stay in this little town in Wisconsin? Who cares if I don't live a life of excitement and jetsetting and exploring - what's the big deal?
Jesus died for you and me, and that means one thing: Because HE came down to the Earth from His throne in Heaven to die an embarrassing death He didn't deserve, WE can now join Him in Heaven forever. Do you realize that while He was enduring the pain, YOU (yes you!) were on His mind. He would have done it all just for you, beloved.
When we take our last breath here on Earth, we will take our first breath in either Heaven or Hell. The beautiful thing is, those who believe Jesus died for them won't have to worry about a thing - He covered it all.
God made it very clear this afternoon - I need to worry less about THIS life (especially when tomorrow isn't guaranteed) and keep a Heavenly focus. I AM a child of God, what more could I need?
