Love, Such a Silly Game We Play

18 June, 2015

People in love lose their minds. I should really just end the blog post there because that sums it all up. People in love lose their minds.

Now, that is not necassarily a bad thing. I've loved lots of things: peanut butter dipped pretzels, my cat Daisy, watching the sunset on Zuma beach. And because of that love, I'd sometimes do outlandish things. I'd make a detour at the market while in a rush just to buy the pretzels, I'd run home for lunch just to pet the cute little thing, I'd drive 15 minutes just to watch a :60 sunset. I was a girl in love and didn't care. I wanted what I wanted.

Being in love with an actual person is no different. I've had a handful of boyfriends and I've said those three delicate words to 3 or 4 boys. If I meant them is a far different story. In the moment I figured I did, but looking in hindsight I'm shifty.

What I mean when saying people in love lose their mind is this: they will (to a point) make themselves believe things not necessarily true in order to protect the temporary ecstasy of love. I've seen it time and time again. A girl will accept a date from a guy well-known for being no good, figuring it's only "one night and no big deal." One night turns into two, two turns into ten, and in the knick of time, she's head over heels for the type of man she never wanted to get involved with in the first place.

I write this not because I'm trying to point fingers, but because I personally struggle with this concept. Before I became a Christian, I hung out with all types of guys because I wanted to feel worthy and accepted. Today, it's more of a rarity to see me on a real date-date aside from the occasional coffee shop run-in with a guy friend, but that doesn't mean I'm not tempted to date the wrong type of guy.

I also bring up this topic because, on a personal note, five couples I knew well filed for divorce in the last twelve months. Five. Couples with 20+ years under their belt; young, growing kids in need of a stable home; and an unknown future ahead of them.

I am single and fine with it. When I was living out in LA, people told me not to get married until I was at least 35. Back home in Wisconsin, people have been asking me why, at 23, I'm not yet married with a baby on the way.

I have yet to date my prince charming who meets my mental non-negotiables list, a list that veers completely away from looks and status and focuses entirely on his character, the way he treats his mom, his faith, and his motivation. I am also single because, in my opinion, I am not 100% ready and capable of a true, Godly marriage.

"What do you mean by that, Paige? What kinds of problems are you hiding under the rug?" Not so fast, friends, I say that because I understand the importance of God initiated relationships. God is never rushed. I believe whole-heartedly when He believes it's the right time for me to be with someone, the right someone, He'll orchestrate things from start to finish.

Every Saturday all over the world, weddings are held, bringing two single people together as one. Those singles repeat a set of vows before tying the knot, vows like this:

"I'll love you from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part."

The sad part is, lots and lots of people who say those vows do not mean them. Sure, in the weeks leading up to the wedding and at the actual event they think they mean them. They may believe it with every inch of their being. But, if they haven't put in any personal preparation, the vows will fall flat.

Let me explain. I like to compete in triathlons. I love the swimming, the biking, the running... the cheering of the crowd, the adrenaline in my vains, the feeling of zipping past competitors. But, no matter how excited or pumped I get for a specific triathlon, I won't finish with a fast time without putting in the training. I could promise others and truly believe in my heart I'd win, but if I'm not doing any practicing, it won't happen.

Marriage vows are no different. It takes preparation... or else they're bound to fall short.

But the question is, how can someone prepare for their wedding vows? Not by studying up on the tips in Cosmo magazine or learning how to make Creme Brule or buying expensive lingerie. Those things will come, honey. Proper preparation for holding true to wedding vows throughout one's entire life starts by preparing to commit.

Preparing to commit to someone, as a single woman (or man), can sound a bit outlandish, but it'll make marriage that much sweeter and easier. Commitment to a future spouse means not flirting with everyone in town, not saying yes to every date offered, and not giving away a phone number as if it were candy.

"Well then, how the heck am I supposed to meet someone, Paige?" Simple. The right man, the one God has pre-destined you to marry, will fight for your attention out of respect. He'll notice and honor your values of self-worth and will treat you with dignity and class, because you'll deal with nothing less.

If you make a priority to commit now, it's very likely you'll marry someone who themselves prepared to commit, too, because your lives will be moving in such similar directions that anyone who's not going in that direction will be a conflict with your values and you'll find youself uninterested.

All of life is interconnected. What we did yesterday affected today. What we do today affects tomorrow. How we handle ourselves will affect who we ultimately end up with. We must become the person the person we're looking for is looking for, meaning we need to get serious about todays decisions. We must become whole and healthy before diving into a toxic relationship to fill a hole in our heart.

If you find youself starting to fall for someone, take a step back and look at their past decisions. What kind of a person are they? Do they have a solid job? Do they have a strong faith? Do they honor their family? Do they surround themselves with positive role models?

And ask yourself: if you were a boy (or girl), would you be best friends with them? If not, the relationship is probably not for you.

So, to sum things up, stand strong. Just today I had to stand strong and block a couple guys from my phone and social media because I don't want to slip up. Don't let the craziness of love blind you, babydoll, prepare yourself now and you'll end up right where you belong.

And for those of you who need a smile...