He's Just Not that Into Me
10 July, 2015
Have you seen the movie He's Just Not that Into You? Frankly I'd be surprised if you haven't considering it's on the E! channel like 3 times a day, lol. It's one of those movies everyone pretends to love but secretly hates because it makes them feel insecure. The basic premise of the movie follows different couples in New York City, all boiling down to one person within the couple feeling rejected by the other.
The movie came out the summer of my sophomore year of highschool. I remember competing at a championship swim meet in Milwaukee with my teammates at the time. I was dating a swimmer (yup, swim-cest), and we had both qualified for finals, meaning we had a few hours to kill after the preliminary session. We decided to go to the movie theater without a specific movie in mind and settled on He's Just Not that Into You.
The ironic part about the story is we weren't doing very well in our relationship. We didn't see each other often, and I (being the immature little girl I was) was insecure about where we stood. He had stopped calling as often and didn't text me every morning like he used to, and I was starting to get nervous.
I was looking forward to the movie. This would be our chance to rekindle our flame! Maybe, after spending some time together, he'd remember how incredibly irresistable I was and everything would go back to normal.
Well, it didn't pan out that way. We watched the movie without a single hand-hold or cheesy yawn-turned-arm-over-my-shoulder. We barely said a word to each other, keeping our eyes glued to the screen of the movie perfectly describing our fate. He just wasn't that into me anymore. There I was, overanalyzing everything in the last month I had said to him trying to find a clue of what I did wrong, and he was just watching the movie with a blank stare and no care in the world. Like below.
As you can guess, our "relationship" (as deep as an underclassman-HS relationship can be) dwindled to nothing. We stopped talking all together and saw each other only on rare unplanned occasions, all of which were awkward.
Did I let the relationship go like I should have? Nopers. By the looks of it, I was over him. But in my brain, I was crushed, confused, and plotting how to win him back. "Maybe... if I see him at a swim meet... I can make sure I look really cute and trip over his bag and he'll catch me and we'll live happily ever after!" But after a few failed attempts of "just happening" to see him with full hair and makeup, I knew it was useless. He had started dating someone else, and I was alone.
As a hopeless romatic, I felt embarassed and confused. "Why did he break up with me? What's his deal? What do I do now?" But after a couple long, agonizing months, things started to look up. I had almost forgotten about what's-his-face and began focusing more on myself, my swimming, and my friends. And believe it or not, I had a new boyfriend in no time without looking for one. The new relationship only lasted a couple months, too, but by that time, boy #1 was out of sight, out of mind.
Okay, so what's the point of the story? Un-originality. Almost every teen girl (and boy, I suppose) has lived through a similar situation: liking someone without mutual feelings only to try to win them back through some dramatic scheme.
Before we even stepped into the movie theater to watch that God-awful movie that only made me feel worse about myself, I knew he wasn't all that into me. For about a month prior, I could feel it. I was no longer being pursued, I was doing the pursuing. But, instead of recognizing his disinterest, I ignored it, thinking he needed to hear more from me in order to bring him back to the "Honeymoon" stage.
That did nothing but push him away further because the roles had been switched. Instead of letting the man be the man and call me, I (out of pure insecurity) started calling him.
It wasn't until we had been broken up a while I really stopped caring. What happened? I found someone new who pursued me, the way it was supposed to be.
Now, just to clarify, things didn't work out with me and the new guy, either, (obviously, considering I'm single) but it helped provide some enlightenment: There are lots and lots of fish in the sea. Of course, that means there's at least one who will treasure and adore us. But it also means there's at least one who wouldn't ever want to be with us.
The trouble with our society, and girls in general, is falling for the fish who don't want us. We want to change their minds and prove to them how worthy we are, when in reality we're (usually) in for nothing but disappointment and self-inflicted anguish.
There will always be someone out there who doesn't want us. It doesn't matter who we are, whether we're Megan Fox or Selena Gomez or Taylor Swift. It's interesting, too, thinking about the "love lives" of beautiful celebrities. Swift, for example, had a fling with John Mayer only to get her feelings hurt. She probably knew he was trouble when he walked in (ha), but wanted a challenge. Even with millions of men who would love nothing more but to be her man, she chose someone she knew would make it challenging. Someone she had to prove herself to.
Am I recommending all high school girls date as often as I did (or at all)? No. I actually recommend staying single as long as possible unless you know he's a good, Godly man who will do nothing but help your light shine brighter, whether you're in high school, college, or post-college (like yours truly). I dont like the idea of serial dating considering that's the type of person I was and nothing good came from it. But what I do recommend, when you meet someone you feel right in your heart about, is let them lead. Let the man pursue you, pretty lady, otherwise gender roles will be flipped from the beginning.
I love hearing stories of how old couples met. They usually sound something like "he saw me at the fair, climbed the ferris wheel, and wouldn't get down until I told him I'd go out with him." (or is that just The Notebook ?) Regardless, most old couples got it right: boy meets girl, boy asks girl to date, boy asks girl to marry, and that's why many old couples are still happily together. The problem with our generation is girls confuse themselves as being the leader in the relationship. "He never comes up with good dates so I plan them all. He doesn't ever text me so I text him. He doesn't like being in a relationship on Facebook so I just post all over his wall so girls get the picture he's mine."
If I were a boy, I know exactly how I'd want things done. I'd want to pursue a woman and do all the work. I'd choose the restaurants and make decisions. And that's exactly how, deep down, all men think. Even if they play things off as "liking women all over them," I'd assume deep down they'd rather do the pursuing (if it was someone they were serious about).
So, going back to the moral of my story: if he doesn't call, he is not interested. If a man truly, truly likes a woman, there's about a 1 in 1,000 chance he'll lose her number or be too busy to contact her. That boy was no longer interested in me, and instead of accepting it, I made things worse. (side note, me and him are actually on decent terms now)
Don't allow yourself to fall for someone who's not into you. You're worth far more than that, beloved. Trust in God's almighty power, keep doing you, and ignore those who ignore you. If you know he's trouble, don't give him the time of day, babe.
p.s. If you're looking for more, PLEASE watch this sermon about dating. It's mind-blowing and wonderful and simple and perfect.
